Rob-O-Lantern FAIL

Do you know how hard it is to find Twilight-themed pumpkin stencils? Wal-Mart was a complete and total fail. My list consisted of:

1. Batteries (ok, they had batteries. But I wasn't going to stand in line on a rainy Saturday afternoon just to buy batteries)

2. Plastic Halloween tablecloth

3. The Haunted Airman (yes, I was going to buy it. I really have no idea what it's about. I've just seen pictures. A friend said she saw it in one of those DVD box things in front of the grocery store, so I figured Wal-Mart would have it. Not).

4. It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (really Wal-Mart? Really?)

5. All of the Twilight-themed Halloween crap Wal-Mart had to offer (which was a big, fat, ZERO!)

6. Pumpkin carving kits

They didn't have any of this! I hate Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart with a passion. But I'm also super lazy and I was running retardedly late, so I braved the scary and went there. And was totally let down. However, by that point I was on a mission, so I left and decided that I would drive all the way across "town" (I use this term loosely. Swamp would be more accurate) to Target. Along the way, I stopped at The Dollar Store, where I was able to procure a table cloth, some rockin' Halloween socks, batteries, and goblets for our libations. Then I went to Walgreens, where I found carving kits, a light up vampire Snoopy (two wonderful worlds collide!) and Snoopy window clings. I also got a couple of chocolate Edward's, 'cause, you know, they were there. There was one of those DVD boxes in front of the store, but they didn't have The Haunted Airman. I'm beginning to wonder if Kelly is having Rob hallucinations. Happens to the best of us.

At this point, I gave up on going to Target, even though I was really coming up short on the Rob side. I stopped at Moe's to get a chicken quesadilla and then took my vampire Snoopy home and hung it in the window.

We had grand plans to go to a pumpkin patch or nursery but it took Brad like, 40 hundred hours to finish selling a 1983 Pontiac Grand Am to a weird toothless guy so we ended up at Kroger. $100 later and we had 5 pumpkins, 2 6-packs of pumpkin beer, baby food, cigarettes, Coke in glass bottles, apples for some fancy dessert that we never got around to making and TWO copies of the New Moon People magazine (one to save and one to cut up, natch).

So we get home, unload our 300 pounds of pumpkin, put the baby to bed, and commenced with the carving. Of course Rob needed to join us, so I tore out a hunky full page spread and Leighann taped it to the wall. Then he decided that he wanted a taste of my Havana Honey raspberry flavored cigarillo. Our friend Dave, who doesn't hang out with us that often, actually turned to Brad at this point and asked if this was normal. Brad's reply: "Man, every night it's me, Leighann, Meg and Rob. You get used to it."

I realized then that PFach had been left out of the festivities, so we gave him a seat at the table as well.

Ok. Toast to Rob (and a mini toast to PFach) and we're ready to get carving!

My dad asked me to not call him until after we left the emergency room. Wise move on his part, since within the first 5 minutes, I had already screamed "Ouch goddammit!" several times and managed to break all but the one carving tool Leighann hid from me in her pocket. And I'm a little glad that I didn't find the Twilight stencils, because I'm pretty sure I would have ruined Robward's pretty face. That shit is not as easy as it looks! My bat turned out ok, but I think that it may look ok to me because I know it's supposed to be a bat. Whatever. It was still better than Brad's "freelance" pumpkin. I added an empty Chocward wrapper to mine, and it was perfection.

Overall, it was a pretty successful evening. Unfortunately, while I did remember to buy batteries, I totally forgot my camera, so the only pictures I have of the series we now like to call "Arts and Crafts With Meg and Leighann" are from my crappy camera phone. Oh well. Maybe I'll remember next time (doubtful). I did order The Haunted Airman yesterday in a depressed, drunken stupor over the shame that is the Washington Redskins. Hopefully it will be worth the $15 and unpleasant hangover.

And, of course, saving the best for last...the cutest jack-o-lantern ever!