Sunday, May 22, 2011

On The Outskirts: Pictures, etc.

If you donated to Fandom Fights Tsunami and got the compilation AND you read the first chapter of my new story On the Outskirts, this post is for you. I used a ton of visuals while writing that chapter, and I wanted to share them. So here ya go! Look for the rest of the story to start posting in July.

Thanks for reading and thanks for donating!


Here are some pictures of The Casino. It was a very real place. Unfortunately it's no longer standing, but anyone who grew up in Northeastern NC during the middle part of the 20th century can tell you LOTS of stories about it.

This picture of Jack Kerouac really, really makes me think of Edward. I mean, obviously Edward is way hotter, but that's not really the point. ;)

Riptide. This is a real Banker Pony from Ocracoke island. Exactly what I imagine him to look like.

Just to give you an idea of where Edward lives. This is a modern photo, but those houses have been there since the early 1900s. People used to take a ferry down to the Banks and stay for the summer. They would bring everyone in their household and even chickens and cows. There's a few houses like this left down here and they're commonly referred to as The Unpainted Aristocracy.

That's it for now. I may add more as I write more. Again, thanks for reading!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Beale Street Chapt 8

Good lord this chapter was a son of a bitch. Special thanks to RobsSwissMiss, bierbeck, TexasKatherine and Becky_Boodles, my beta, for not disowning me. And thanks to everyone reading this for not flouncing while I dicked around and didn't update for ages.

It's very important that you check this song out before you read: http: / / youtube .com /watch?v=KM05P-xcPCc It's a version of St. James Infirmary performed by Jim James and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band. The quality isn't great, but this version is REALLY hard to find online. It's been my "first lemon" song since I started writing this story. I also listened to "Dear Old Southland" by Louis Armstrong on repeat.

Disclaimer: I own a kick-ass corn bread recipe book, a new set of finger paints, and a cat named Seth. Everything else belongs to SMeyer.

This chapter in EPOV. Enjoy. I'll be hiding behind the bar doing shots of tequila if you need me.

I can't get over how damn hot it is at ten in the morning. I'm beginning to wonder why I thought moving down here was a good idea as the sweat runs down my back and my head pounds from the asinine meeting I just had with the lawyer. The thought of eating right now repulses me, although I would probably be willing to kill someone for a cold beer. I light up a cigarette, done kidding myself that I really quit this last time. I'm about to go back inside the hotel and wait in the lobby when I hear hooves trotting briskly down the street. I look up and all the pissyness melts off of me when I see Bella guiding the mule cart down the street towards me. She's smiling and I can tell, even from this distance, that she's carrying on a conversation with Bill. His ears flick back and forth as he listens to her and he has a spring in his step that I never would have expected from just seeing him stand around. Bella pulls up in front of the hotel and manages to parallel park the damn mule cart while I stand on the sidewalk laughing at the sight. She hugs Pops goodbye and kisses Bill on the muzzle before turning towards me and grinning. I don't even care that she's just swapped spit with a mule as she wraps her arms around my neck latches herself onto me. I put my arm around her waist and pull her closer to me, seriously considering dragging her back into my hotel room. She wiggles away from me though, and links her arm through mine, pulling me towards the other side of the street.

"Have you been here yet?" she asks, pointing at the restaurant across the street.

"No. I'm not really much of a breakfast person. You're in a good mood."

She shrugs. "Just happy. Cockadoo's is so good. They make sweet potato hash browns and put marshmallows in the middle of them."

"That sounds interesting. You've had me eating the strangest stuff. I'm kind of scared about what might come next," I laugh.

"Don't worry. I don't do pigs feet or any of that shit. And you can't get soft shell crabs out here, so I won't subject you to them. Even though they are really fucking incredible. There's always a wait here, but it shouldn't be too long," she says as we get to the front of the restaurant.

I have to admit, the smells coming out of the front door make my mouth water. Bella shoves both of her hands into my front pockets and pulls me closer, leaning against me and breathing deeply. I've completely forgotten about the heat at this point; I can't get close enough to her. I rest my chin on the top of her head and we stand there like that until a table opens up for us. The food really is amazing and Bella finishes most of mine after she devours hers. I'm pretty impressed at the amount of food this woman can eat in one sitting. This thought leads to another, and suddenly I'm filled with an intense need to get her out of this restaurant and naked, perhaps covered in marshmallow.

"Earth to Edward. Are you in a sweet potato and marshmallow induced coma?" Bella says loudly from across the table.

I snap out of it and laugh. "No, sorry. You ready?" I ask as I snatch up the ticket. I leave cash on the table and we head back out to the street, walking towards her place. I notice that Bella's limping again. It's slight, and I decide not to say anything about it at the moment. But I'm worried that she's not seeing a doctor on a regular basis. She could have issues with other parts of her body that she doesn't even know about, and she'll really regret not taking care of herself when she can't walk in twenty years.

"Fuckin' Eli it's hot out, isn't it?" Bella snaps me out of my thoughts again. "I wanted to go ride but didn't get up early enough this morning and now it's too hot."

"I don't have anything going on tomorrow. Want to go then?" I ask her.

"Sure. I guess we can tackle some more boxes today if you're up for it," she says, looking up at me and smiling.

"Absolutely," I tell her, taking her hand in mine and squeezing. "I can't wait until we get to the embarrassing baby pictures," I laugh.

"Oh my god. Who knows what's in half of those boxes. My grandma was a pack rat and I'm not much better. There's probably shit in there that belonged to my dad when he was a kid."

We're almost to her house by this point and the temperature makes me grateful it's a short walk from the hotel to Beale Street. The heat is rising off the asphalt in waves and people seem to be moving in slow motion. Exhaust from the cars and buses hangs heavy in the air and there's not even the usual breeze off the river. It truly is stifling and I really don't understand how people made do without air conditioning. I wonder if Bella will cave and turn on the a/c in the bar tonight, already knowing the answer.

"Hey Miss Leena," Bella says to an older woman behind the counter in the deli. "Been busy?"

"Not today," the woman replies. "Too hot to eat."

"We just came from Cockadoo's. It was busy, but it always is. I ate too much," Bella laughs.

"Hey, have you met my, um, Edward?" Bella trips up over what to call me and I have to stifle a laugh. I know how she feels. And the fact that she called me her Edward makes me want to throw her over my shoulder and carry her upstairs. But I restrain myself since we are in front of one of her employees.

"Mmm hmmm. Seen him around," she says to Bella and then looks me dead in the eye. I'm suddenly a little afraid for my manhood. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too." I have no idea what else to say to this woman. I'm suddenly aware that Bella has an army of possibly certifiably insane people at her back. And a mule who probably wouldn't hesitate to kick my head in. And yet, here I stand, ready to take them all on. She's really done a number on me.

"Ok then," Bella says, looking back and forth between me and Leena. "Let's go sort through some boxes."

I follow her upstairs, trying to grab her ass the whole way up but she stays at least three steps ahead of me and then takes off running when she hits the floor. Bad move on her part because I know I'm faster than her, and her running from me just makes me want to catch her more. I'm able to throw my arm around her waist as she careens around the corner of the piano, and I pull her towards me. Her laughter is gone as she wraps her arms around my neck and hoists herself up so that her legs are wrapped around my waist.

"You caught me. What next, Cullen?" she whispers, her voice raspy and out of breath. Her mouth is about a half an inch from mine so instead of answering her, I lean towards her and take her bottom lip in my teeth. She arches her back, grinding herself into me as I back towards the piano bench and sit down so that she's now straddling me. Thunder rolls in the distance and she tenses up for a split second as rain begins to beat down on the tin roof. Hopefully the rain will cool things off, but for now the air is electric and the heat heavy. Bella runs her hands up through my hair, groaning and humming into my mouth.

"I can't wait any longer, Edward. I need you. Now," she pleads and I know I can't deny her any longer. It's been killing me too, but I don't want to hurt her or do anything she might regret later. Sometimes she seems so fragile but then she turns around and acts like she could take on the world. I don't know where we stand half the time, but that's part of the appeal, I think.

She stands up and I growl at the loss of contact. I watch her walk over to the old record player we unearthed yesterday, and she slips a record out of its sleeve and places it on the table. A scratchy, wailing trumpet fills the air and time stops as she turns back towards me. She straddles me again and rests her forehead against mine, taking a shaky breath.

"I know. I need you too. Are you sure this is ok?" It's now or never and I want her to be in control. Although I think my dick may detach himself from my body and run away if we don't really go through with it this time.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Edward. Fuck that sounds cheesy. But it's true. Please."

I smile and cup her head in my hands, kissing her ravenously. Her hands move up and down my torso, over my back, my shoulders, and back up into my hair as I pull at her shirt. She yanks it up over her head and tosses it down to the floor and I reach around to unclasp her bra, taking her erect nipple into my mouth. Her hand tightens around my neck and she moans my name, erasing any doubt or worry from my mind. The drop cloth is still on the floor, so I stand up, taking her with me, and settle us back down on top of it. There's a stack of horse blankets under the cloth, so I figure she's not too uncomfortable. I lean over her for a second and smile at the red splotches that have popped up on her chest, her heavy breathing, her cloudy eyes. I pull my own shirt over my head and she reaches for me, pulling me closer to her as her hands move towards the buttons on my jeans. I wrap my hands around her wrists, stopping her.

"Slow down, baby. We have all the time in the world," I say into her ear as a rumble of thunder claps loudly. She gasps, whether from the noise or me, I'm not sure. I smile and bite her earlobe and she relaxes again as I release her from my grasp. Her hands trail down my stomach and back towards my buttons but I don't stop her again because, who am I kidding...I really want her hands there. She pops the buttons one at a time and grins because she knows I'm full of shit.

"You don't really want me to stop, do you Edward?" she purrs at me.

"No, not really," I smile at her.

She continues with the buttons until they're all undone, and then takes me in her soft hand. I nearly collapse on top of her, burying my head in her hair and breathing deeply. The music, the rain, the heat, Bella's hand on my cock...all swirl around me in an intoxicating symphony.

"Switch places with me," she says. I move so that she's over top of me now, and she starts tugging at my belt loops. I lift my hips and she slides my pants all the way off, crawling back up and taking all of me in her mouth in one deep, quick movement.

"Fuck baby," I pant, involuntarily thrusting towards her. She hums in response and the vibration nearly throws me over the edge, so I pull her up to me, getting rid of the rest of her clothes in a hurry. I slip one hand in between her legs, and she twists and arches against me.

"Oh god Edward. I need you inside me. Please, please baby," she says.

"Patience," I mutter, as I sit up and flip her so that she's under me again. I kiss her jaw, her neck, down her collarbone to her shoulder, where I place soft kisses on the horseshoe, the mule, the pelican. I come around to her breasts again, giving them both equal attention as she writhes underneath me. I continue down her sternum, her belly, the soft skin over her hip bones, the insides of her thighs, until I'm finally at the place I want to be. She laces her fingers through my hair as I slip one finger and then another inside her and brush my tongue over her clit. She bucks against me and I drink her up. She's like a drug I can't get enough of.

"Fuck Edward. I'm gonna..." she trails off with a gasp and I feel her tighten around my fingers and she explodes around me. I retrace my kisses back up to her mouth, putting one hand behind her back and lifting her up to me. She kisses me back hard, wrapping her legs around me and thrusting towards me. I take me free hand and start searching for my pants to get a condom, when she breaks the kiss.

"What are you doing?" she asks breathlessly.

"Condom," I say into her mouth.

"Get the shot. As long as you promise not to give me the clap we're cool," she replies, kissing and biting down my jaw and neck.

"I just got tested. Haven't been with anyone since..."

She cuts me off by putting her tongue in my ear, and I groan as I guide myself into her. We both gasp at the same time and she buries her head into my shoulder and starts to rock back and forth slowly, in time to the tinny guitar and thumping upright bass. I lose all sense of time as we move together; the rain becomes heavier and thunder crashes around us, but she doesn't even seem to notice. I'm getting close, so I slip my hand down between us and brush my thumb over her clit. She tenses for a split second before I start moving my hand to the rhythm of us and the music.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she chants softly, and I have to smile at her.

"Come, baby," I tell her as I thrust into her harder, and that's all it takes. She shudders around me and I follow closely, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to my chest. She collapses against me as the song ends and the rain calms, and I lean us both back down to our makeshift pillow. She shivers as I pull out, both of us mourning the loss of the connection. I reach behind me and grab an old flannel sheet, wrapping it around us as she snuggles into my side. I kiss her temple and brush the damp hair out of her face, and we both sigh deeply, not needing to speak a word.

It's still raining and I think Bella might be asleep. I'm on the verge of drifting off too, the sound of the rain on the roof plus the amazing sex we just had is lulling me into a state of unconsciousness. But, as is becoming the norm, Bella surprises me when she begins to groggily speak.

"You know that episode of Buffy when her and Riley get possessed in the weird frat house and can't stop having sex?"

I'm a little pleased with myself because I can already see where this is going. "No. I didn't watch Buffy," I tell her, bracing myself for an elbow in the ribs.

"I'm too zonked out to knee you in the nuts for not watching Buffy," is all she replies. I laugh and roll her over so she's on top of me, and she rests her head in the crook of my neck as I wrap my arms around her.

"Sorry baby. I was never into the whole vampire thing." She responds by biting my neck and I groan, sitting up and putting her back down on the nest of horse blankets. Thunder claps again, but it's further away this time and she doesn't flinch. She pulls her t-shirt back on and shimmies back into her underwear as I put my jeans back on. Lighting up a cigarette, I look at her and smile.

"You good?" I ask her.

"Better than good," she says as she reaches for the cigarette and takes a long pull. The smoke drifts up towards the ceiling fan as she leans back into the pile of blankets, stretching her legs out. I want to ravage her again; she's so fucking beautiful and now she's mine. From the turtle robe to her crazy ass bird to her manic tendencies, I want it all. Forever. And it doesn't even really scare me anymore. For the first time in a long, long time I feel content. Like I'm where I'm supposed to be.

"Good," I tell her simply, running my hand up her leg. "Your foot's swollen again."

She continues to watch the ceiling fan spin slowly. "Yeah." I guess that's the end of that conversation. She hands the cigarette back to me, and I finish it and stub it out in an old ash tray we found the other day that's shaped like the state of Louisiana with a mule on it. I smile looking at it. It's so Bella. Antique, chipped and cracked yet beautiful in its own way. And featuring a mule, of course.

"What are you grinning about?" she asks me lazily.

"Just thinking about how perfectly this ashtray sums up your personality," I smirk at her. She rolls her eyes and stands up, stretching. I can't help but run my hands up her sides as her shirt lifts up, and she giggles and scoots aways from me.

"Over-stimulation, Cullen," she laughs. "You're just trying to distract me because you don't want to go through any more of my shit."

"Not true, Swan. The faster I go through your shit, the sooner I can move out of the fucking hotel," I say, adding and across the patio from you in my head.

Review please? :)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Beale Street: Meet the Animals

So chapter four of Beale Street has a lot of horse stuff in it, so I thought I'd do a little explaining here.

Before I get started, let me introduce you to Fraggs and Louie:

Ok, so on to the horses. I don't have a picture of Serenade. She was born, but never got a chance to grow up. It's a long story that I don't really want to go into it. Suffice it to say, I don't have a picture of her. I looked online for one of a horse that I imagine would look similar, but none fit the bill. She was chestnut, which is a bright, coppery orange and had white stockings and a white blaze.

Here's Moose:

And here's a Grand Prix rider/horse. The rider is Isabel Werth and her horse is Satchmo. I love him--he's a nutcase, but when he's on he'll bring tears to your eyes. This is the highest level of dressage you can get to. It takes years.

And here's a video of a top ranked rider doing a freestyle. The quality isn't great, but the commentary helps you to understand a little more about what's going on.

And I will leave you with a picture of the glasses that Edward buys at Graceland. Sexy, huh?

Friday, April 30, 2010

Beale Street: Chapter One

So I'm posting my fic. Eep. It's scary. But the story just popped into my head one afternoon and I had to get it out. I've been working on it a couple of months and I've finally worked up the courage to share it. You can check it out here:

Reviews make me feel loved. You want me to feel loved, don't you? ;)

Anyway, I thought I'd post some pics here to set the mood. I'm going to try and do this with every chapter, so check back if you're interested!


This picture was taken during the Depression by a photographer who was working for the WPA. Check out The Library of Congress website for more.

Bill the mule.

Artist: George Hunt. I envision art like this on the walls of the bar.

The original Casino. Was located in Nags Head, NC.

Beale Street. Notice the sign in the upper left hand corner. ;)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Random Shit: The Post That Keeps On Changing

I've been working on getting this post up for like three days now. It's going up tonight come come hell or high water. At first it was just going to be about my new favorite part of Rob's body. Then I needed to add in a special Thank You to LionLovinLamb of Twiangle fame for my fucktacular Valentine's Day loot. Then I decided that I should talk about Full-Sized Carlisle and his exploits at the Super Bowl party. THEN they started releasing all those video clips from Remember Me and I'm being a total spoiler h00r and watching all of them. And last, but so far from least it's not even funny, there are the set pics from Bel Ami. Which really deserve their own post. I might get to that. But probably not.

Ok. Onto business.

Now we all know that there are all sorts of different types of RobPorn out there. We lust over the jaw, the hair, the mouth, the hands. But I have a new kind of RobPorn. His thumbs. I fucking love his thumbs. And not just the digit itself. The thumb, the area below the thumb, the part in between the thumb and the pointer finger. Bex has shortened this into what we will from here on out refer to as "The Square Thumb" or TST. I love TST. Unnaturally, unabashedly, and without regret. Here are some examples.

This first picture is one that I did and sent to RobsSwissMiss, trying to explain TST to her. Don't be jealous of my mad photoshopping skillz. Side note: Look how close TST is to the promised land. *died*

A prime example of TST. Just....ungh.

Another good one. I will admit (while ducking) that I don't think much good came out of this shoot. But here we see the whole hand, highlighted by some glorious TST.

Next order of business:

So I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant now.

I saved all of these and I don't remember where from, but they are all over. You can Google it.

I just don't really have words. There are just so many reasons this works for me. Reason number one: it's Rob. Reason number two: he's smoking. Reason number three: he's in period clothing. I'm a historian. I get off on that shit. And I like that time period. I'm just....ungh. That's all. I can't talk about it any more.

Moving on...I would like to give a very special shout out/thank you/virtual hug to LionLovinLamb. She sent me a goody bag full of wonderment and it made me happy because I generally hate V-Day, but when it's filled with cupcakes and unicorns and Robward I can't help but love it. So thanks hooker. I love ya! :-)

And finally, I will leave you with this:

Yep. I just...yep. The end.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The One Where She Jizzes Over Carlisle....

I promised RobsSwissMiss that I would be productive with her yesterday, and I failed miserably. I am willing to take whatever punishment she deems suitable.

*crosses fingers for a good spanking*

Ok, well the first (and probably the only) order of business has got to be Carlisle. Especially since Bex (aka Princess Spankhappy) just called me Carlisle's Bitch on Twitter. It's true. I am. I fucking love Peter Facinelli. I mean, I love Rob. I lust after Rob. I would do dirty, dirty things to Rob. But I loooooooooove Peter. But anyway, back to Carlisle. I fucking loooooooove him too. So much so that I bought this:

Yeah, you're seeing that right. That's a full-sized Carlisle. See, I fooled everyone. Because you thought that if I ever actually did it, I'd go with the full-sized Edward. But if I'm gonna share my home with a giant, creepy cardboard standup, it's definitely gonna be Carlisle. The doctor is fucking in, bitches!!!

*confession time*

My favorite fic Carlisle is Emancipation Proclamation Carlisle. How fucked up is that?? I love him. Hard. Even when he's threatening to kill people...gets me all hot and bothered. Tourturing an innocent girl? Kinda hot. And the *really* fucked up part? I can't even read dom/sub fics because that shit scares me. I started Master of the Universe and and had to stop because I was having panic attacks over it. My head is a very fucked up place.

*side note*

I read somewhere recently that Peter said something about how he was going to start reading fic. This scares me a little. But if he does, I would like to suggest to him that he start with EP and then call me to compare notes. And perhaps read aloud to me a few scenes of my choosing.

Ok, so back to RL Peter...did you know that I went to the mall to see him? The only member of the Twi-cast that I've seen in person. And I almost want to keep it that way. Pure, first time. Plus I think that if I ever saw Rob in person (and was as close to him as I was to Peter) I would do something stupid. I would try really hard not to, but I can't make any promises. That is not to say that I didn't act like a super human moron when I saw Peter, it's just....different.

Anyway, two tickets to the gun show, anyone?

I was a bad superfan and did not pay to meet Peter or have anything signed by him. The line was stupidly long and filled with those fans who make you ashamed to be associated with Twilight. So I stood in front of the stage and yelled inappropriate things to him, not making anyone around me ashamed to be associated with Twilight. Naturally.

So, to wrap this #jizzfest up, I'm hoping that my full-size Carlisle comes in before February 7. That is both the day that I am hosting a Super Bowl party and the day where I celebrate the one year anniversary of breaking up with my cheating, emotionally abusive ex. Carlisle *so* needs to be there to join in the festivities. And while me, Carlisle, and all our friends celebrate said anniversary and the Saints winning the big game (*wink wink*) douchbag ex will be home alone because he's not invited to the party. Don't think I didn't plan that shit on purpose.


Last week was my homegirl Leighann's birthday. Happy Birthday bitch!!! You're a quarter of a century old and still younger than me. Whatever. We had a was wild. Wanna see a picture? Here:

Monday, January 4, 2010

Goodbye 2009! Don't Let The Door Hit Ya On The Way Out!

I'm not gonna lie, 2009 was not the best year for me. But instead of dwelling on the bad, I'm gonna be positive about the good shit.

First off, this guy came in May. He is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I know I've said that before, but it's true. I can be having the worst day, and holding him makes it all go away. Kinda like how Bella had to hold the little monster/weirdness that she "gave birth" to so she wouldn't kill Jake. Actually, that's really similar. I have to be holding Landen when I'm in the presence of my ex or I will go insane. Interesting.

Last year (2008) my horse Jack had to have surgery to remove a cyst that was right below his eye in his sinus cavity. It was the scariest thing I have ever been through. They were pretty sure that it was malignant until they went in and saw that it was just a benign growth. But when they cut into his skull, it cracked all the way across his face. For almost a year he had giant sores where the pieces of bone were making their way out of his skin. He contracted MRSA and had to be isolated for 4 months...the list goes on. Anyway, he's been completely healed and healthy since the spring, a full year after the initial surgery. I had to make some tough decisions during that time, but I really grew as a person and came out of the ordeal a lot stronger. And I still have my boy with me and that's the most important thing.

30 staples...yuck, huh?

The day that the ex moved in with me in June of 2001, I brought home a kitten that I got at a feed and seed. He was locked in a hamster cage, dirty and sick and I had to take him. The ex lost his shit and almost broke up with me over it (should have been sign number 1) but he finally calmed down and we kept him. Spike was the coolest cat. Even people who hated cats loved Spike...he was just a badass bitch of a cat, didn't take shit from anyone, and was totally in charge of the household. He started losing weight last spring, starting drinking a lot of water, and I knew what was going on. I hesitated taking him to the vet; when I did, they said it was his kidneys. That was on my birthday in June. The first person that I wanted to talk to after getting that news was the ex. But he was at Bonnaroo with his 21 year old girlfriend (they planned that trip while we were still together...yeah) and I realized that even if we were still together, he would be gone and I would have to deal with the shit myself. I realized that I didn't need his support (not that there was any ever, really) and that I could get through it on my own. I made the decision not to hospitalize Spike; I brought home fluids and an IV and treated him at home. That was in June, and I made the decision to let him go on August 26. It was hard, but it was time. He died in my arms peacefully and a lot of issues that I had surrounding my ex and our breakup were resolved. I will always be in debt to Spike for allowing me that.

And, speaking of breakups, I broke up with fuckwit on February 7. He had cheated on me once before, we got back together, and he started "hanging out" with this bitch he worked with last year. I wasn't comfortable with it, told him so, and he said I was just crazy and jealous. But I'm sorry, a 31 year old man should not be "hanging out" with a 21 year old girl while his girlfriend of 7 years is home asleep. Anyway, we broke up, I don't miss the bitch, and I realize I should have stayed away from him after the first time. Whatever. What's done is done and I'm a stronger person. I still wish him lots of physical and emotional harm, which is something that I need to work on, but I'm a totally different person now.

I'm with this guy now. haha

My brother is an alcoholic and the past year has been tough. There's a lot more to be said about it, but it is what it is. It sucks and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He's in rehab now (for the 3rd time) and I hope he gets better. But from this situation, I think I've learned not to judge people so quickly. You don't know what others have going on in their personal lives. I know there were several days (weeks...all the time) that I really had to struggle to keep it together at work and I appreciate the people who cut me some slack. It's also made me realize that little petty shit is just that--petty. Think about what you're bitching about and who you're bitching to before you open your mouth. That's easier said than done, but it's a good thing to keep in the back of your mind. (FTR, I am the queen of bitching about stupid shit).

My good friend Tom passed away the week of Thanksgiving. He'd been struggling with cancer for several years, and was stronger than I can ever imagine being. Through it all he remained upbeat, optimistic, and always cheerful. There's so much more that I need to say about him, but I'm really at a loss for words. Everyday that I walk through the doors to work I miss him. But I will be eternally grateful for everything that he taught me.

I do this everyday for him.

And last, but certainly not least, there's this *points to all of you*. I don't have words for the awesomeness that is this community. This is my happy place. And maybe that's weird to some people, but I know you all understand exactly what I'm talking about. And I can't fucking wait until June. I get Eclipse, Chicago, and Bex for 2 whole fucking weeks!!!! I can't even talk about it because I get so worked up and excited! But really, I have made some awesome friends here; I love you all. I don't have casual friends. If you're my friend, you're my family and I feel that way about you all. *gush*

I will leave this post and 2009 with a poem that my homegirl RobsSwissMiss wrote for me. This shit made my heart grow three sizes that day. ;-)

RSM's Ode to Meg
We're online soul mates, no need to vote
Whoever doubts will get punched in the throat.
She pimps me on Twitter, and smacks a bitch good,
Ebonics is preferred, cuz she knows RSM's hood.
She pushes the product, like CW&IA
Now I'm jonesin' for ink in the very worst way.
We speak the same language, it all starts with "fuck",
And she gets my humor, evern when it's run amuck.
Mr. Swiss stands waiting, for I'm loony bin bound,
But I know my girl Meg is the bestest around.

*collective awwwwwww*

I heart you, RSM. And I heart all of you bitches.

*2009 out*