The One Where She Jizzes Over Carlisle....

I promised RobsSwissMiss that I would be productive with her yesterday, and I failed miserably. I am willing to take whatever punishment she deems suitable.

*crosses fingers for a good spanking*

Ok, well the first (and probably the only) order of business has got to be Carlisle. Especially since Bex (aka Princess Spankhappy) just called me Carlisle's Bitch on Twitter. It's true. I am. I fucking love Peter Facinelli. I mean, I love Rob. I lust after Rob. I would do dirty, dirty things to Rob. But I loooooooooove Peter. But anyway, back to Carlisle. I fucking loooooooove him too. So much so that I bought this:

Yeah, you're seeing that right. That's a full-sized Carlisle. See, I fooled everyone. Because you thought that if I ever actually did it, I'd go with the full-sized Edward. But if I'm gonna share my home with a giant, creepy cardboard standup, it's definitely gonna be Carlisle. The doctor is fucking in, bitches!!!

*confession time*

My favorite fic Carlisle is Emancipation Proclamation Carlisle. How fucked up is that?? I love him. Hard. Even when he's threatening to kill people...gets me all hot and bothered. Tourturing an innocent girl? Kinda hot. And the *really* fucked up part? I can't even read dom/sub fics because that shit scares me. I started Master of the Universe and and had to stop because I was having panic attacks over it. My head is a very fucked up place.

*side note*

I read somewhere recently that Peter said something about how he was going to start reading fic. This scares me a little. But if he does, I would like to suggest to him that he start with EP and then call me to compare notes. And perhaps read aloud to me a few scenes of my choosing.

Ok, so back to RL Peter...did you know that I went to the mall to see him? The only member of the Twi-cast that I've seen in person. And I almost want to keep it that way. Pure, virginal...my first time. Plus I think that if I ever saw Rob in person (and was as close to him as I was to Peter) I would do something stupid. I would try really hard not to, but I can't make any promises. That is not to say that I didn't act like a super human moron when I saw Peter, it's just....different.

Anyway, two tickets to the gun show, anyone?

I was a bad superfan and did not pay to meet Peter or have anything signed by him. The line was stupidly long and filled with those fans who make you ashamed to be associated with Twilight. So I stood in front of the stage and yelled inappropriate things to him, not making anyone around me ashamed to be associated with Twilight. Naturally.

So, to wrap this #jizzfest up, I'm hoping that my full-size Carlisle comes in before February 7. That is both the day that I am hosting a Super Bowl party and the day where I celebrate the one year anniversary of breaking up with my cheating, emotionally abusive ex. Carlisle *so* needs to be there to join in the festivities. And while me, Carlisle, and all our friends celebrate said anniversary and the Saints winning the big game (*wink wink*) douchbag ex will be home alone because he's not invited to the party. Don't think I didn't plan that shit on purpose.

*P.S*

Last week was my homegirl Leighann's birthday. Happy Birthday bitch!!! You're a quarter of a century old and still younger than me. Whatever. We had a party...it was wild. Wanna see a picture? Here:

Goodbye 2009! Don't Let The Door Hit Ya On The Way Out!

I'm not gonna lie, 2009 was not the best year for me. But instead of dwelling on the bad, I'm gonna be positive about the good shit.

First off, this guy came in May. He is honestly one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I know I've said that before, but it's true. I can be having the worst day, and holding him makes it all go away. Kinda like how Bella had to hold the little monster/weirdness that she "gave birth" to so she wouldn't kill Jake. Actually, that's really similar. I have to be holding Landen when I'm in the presence of my ex or I will go insane. Interesting.

Last year (2008) my horse Jack had to have surgery to remove a cyst that was right below his eye in his sinus cavity. It was the scariest thing I have ever been through. They were pretty sure that it was malignant until they went in and saw that it was just a benign growth. But when they cut into his skull, it cracked all the way across his face. For almost a year he had giant sores where the pieces of bone were making their way out of his skin. He contracted MRSA and had to be isolated for 4 months...the list goes on. Anyway, he's been completely healed and healthy since the spring, a full year after the initial surgery. I had to make some tough decisions during that time, but I really grew as a person and came out of the ordeal a lot stronger. And I still have my boy with me and that's the most important thing.

30 staples...yuck, huh?

The day that the ex moved in with me in June of 2001, I brought home a kitten that I got at a feed and seed. He was locked in a hamster cage, dirty and sick and I had to take him. The ex lost his shit and almost broke up with me over it (should have been sign number 1) but he finally calmed down and we kept him. Spike was the coolest cat. Even people who hated cats loved Spike...he was just a badass bitch of a cat, didn't take shit from anyone, and was totally in charge of the household. He started losing weight last spring, starting drinking a lot of water, and I knew what was going on. I hesitated taking him to the vet; when I did, they said it was his kidneys. That was on my birthday in June. The first person that I wanted to talk to after getting that news was the ex. But he was at Bonnaroo with his 21 year old girlfriend (they planned that trip while we were still together...yeah) and I realized that even if we were still together, he would be gone and I would have to deal with the shit myself. I realized that I didn't need his support (not that there was any ever, really) and that I could get through it on my own. I made the decision not to hospitalize Spike; I brought home fluids and an IV and treated him at home. That was in June, and I made the decision to let him go on August 26. It was hard, but it was time. He died in my arms peacefully and a lot of issues that I had surrounding my ex and our breakup were resolved. I will always be in debt to Spike for allowing me that.

And, speaking of breakups, I broke up with fuckwit on February 7. He had cheated on me once before, we got back together, and he started "hanging out" with this bitch he worked with last year. I wasn't comfortable with it, told him so, and he said I was just crazy and jealous. But I'm sorry, a 31 year old man should not be "hanging out" with a 21 year old girl while his girlfriend of 7 years is home asleep. Anyway, we broke up, I don't miss the bitch, and I realize I should have stayed away from him after the first time. Whatever. What's done is done and I'm a stronger person. I still wish him lots of physical and emotional harm, which is something that I need to work on, but I'm a totally different person now.

I'm with this guy now. haha

My brother is an alcoholic and the past year has been tough. There's a lot more to be said about it, but it is what it is. It sucks and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He's in rehab now (for the 3rd time) and I hope he gets better. But from this situation, I think I've learned not to judge people so quickly. You don't know what others have going on in their personal lives. I know there were several days (weeks...all the time) that I really had to struggle to keep it together at work and I appreciate the people who cut me some slack. It's also made me realize that little petty shit is just that--petty. Think about what you're bitching about and who you're bitching to before you open your mouth. That's easier said than done, but it's a good thing to keep in the back of your mind. (FTR, I am the queen of bitching about stupid shit).

My good friend Tom passed away the week of Thanksgiving. He'd been struggling with cancer for several years, and was stronger than I can ever imagine being. Through it all he remained upbeat, optimistic, and always cheerful. There's so much more that I need to say about him, but I'm really at a loss for words. Everyday that I walk through the doors to work I miss him. But I will be eternally grateful for everything that he taught me.

I do this everyday for him.


And last, but certainly not least, there's this *points to all of you*. I don't have words for the awesomeness that is this community. This is my happy place. And maybe that's weird to some people, but I know you all understand exactly what I'm talking about. And I can't fucking wait until June. I get Eclipse, Chicago, and Bex for 2 whole fucking weeks!!!! I can't even talk about it because I get so worked up and excited! But really, I have made some awesome friends here; I love you all. I don't have casual friends. If you're my friend, you're my family and I feel that way about you all. *gush*

I will leave this post and 2009 with a poem that my homegirl RobsSwissMiss wrote for me. This shit made my heart grow three sizes that day. ;-)

RSM's Ode to Meg

We're online soul mates, no need to vote

Whoever doubts will get punched in the throat.

She pimps me on Twitter, and smacks a bitch good,

Ebonics is preferred, cuz she knows RSM's hood.

She pushes the product, like CW&IA

Now I'm jonesin' for ink in the very worst way.

We speak the same language, it all starts with "fuck",

And she gets my humor, evern when it's run amuck.

Mr. Swiss stands waiting, for I'm loony bin bound,

But I know my girl Meg is the bestest around.

*collective awwwwwww*

I heart you, RSM. And I heart all of you bitches.

*2009 out*