Spanks For Spanky

So I have managed to keep a parakeet alive since September. This is a good thing. In my lifetime, I have had: dogs, cats, horses, goats, ducks, hedgehogs, ferrets, hamsters, fish, and frogs. But I had never, ever had a bird until I got Crackrock. He is insane. I was pretty sure I had given him a heart attack trying to get him into his new cage. Luckily, he survived and we now have a mutual respect for each other that borders on love.

The original plan for Crackrock was to get him to talk. According to Google the bird that held the record for being able to say the most words was a parakeet. So the brilliance struck me: I'm gonna get Crackrock to talk, and it's gonna be with a British accent and he's gonna say things that I dream of Rob saying to me.

Ok, so that plan's a fail. I'll be lucky if I ever get Crackrock to sit on my finger, let alone talk like Rob. So of course that means that I need a $2000 African Grey Parrot. Like this one:

After I purchase this bird, I will send him to Bex and Stan so they can teach him to talk like Rob. Bex has named him Spanky. And they will teach him to say things like "trolly" instead of shopping cart and "tea" instead of dinner. And "fucking twat" which is what we say but they'll teach him to do it with a smexy British accent. ;-) Good plan, huh?

Here's where we need your help. Memory_Jean, Fire Crotch, Rob's Swiss Miss, and of course myself have very generously donated some great items, services, and dignity. Have something you wanna donate to the cause? Leave it in the comments! Let make Spanks For Spanky a success!!!!

Meg:

Off-Key Singing (you pick the song)

Mad Caesar Salad Making Skillz

Memory_Jean:

Her body ("I gotta whore it for the sake of Spanky")

Cereal

Fire Crotch:

Her Fat (she's not, btw)

Crusty Peeps

Rob's Swiss Miss:

The fine art of sandwich making (RSM now stands for RaunchySandwichMaker)

Fooseball Lessons (beer included)

Her cleavage (there was talk of motorboating)

Marie

Body shots using an "Everything Is Bigger In Texas" shotglass (I'll supply the salt and lime)

This is a work in progress. If you want to donate something (I really want a Snoward *coughFragileLittleHumancough*) leave it in the comments and I will revise. Oh, and don't forget about #TheHookup going on over at Phantastic Phil's Phansite. It's turned into an orgy.