Operation "Get the Bird to Talk Like Rob"

Is coming along. Unfortunately, all I have are things that we came up with while eating moonshine peaches. The list started out kind of making sense, but I think it's digressed into a "you had to be there" kind of thing.

Working on The List

Here's a sample:

Would you like a cupcake?

Come cuddle Ruca. You're suck a good girl! (That's my dog. Gotta love my dog.)

You're not crazy. You're special!

I want to eat you for dinner.

I'm squeezing these peaches. Do you know how saturated these things are?

The texture really isn't that bad. I think I'll take another bite.

Twixx make me hot for you. (???)

Meg, bitch! Take a bite!

Meg's going for seconds.

It was juicin' out my mouth and I had to suck it back in.

Close to the seed. I'm not cool with that.

I wanna talk dirty to the peach.

And my personal favorite:

When I stand up, I think things are gonna be different.

"Just get a chunk of it in your mouth and chew!"

There's six pages of this shit. I'm going to buy a hand held tape recorder when I get paid next week and then it's going in the mail. It's a glorious plan.

A Parakeet With a British Accent....

Wait for it....

I'm having what I've started referring to as PTRD (Post Traumatic Rob Disorder). I'm on Rob overload. I can't think, I can't sleep, I can't eat. Eh, who am I kidding...I'm eating. But yeah, it's bad. I mean, how about that new trailer? Holy fuck! That shot where he's standing there with his shirt off and it looks like he doesn't have any pants on (we call that The Man V around my house)? I need a cupcake, right now!!! And then last night at the VMA's when he was all happy drunk and slurring his words? Adorable. We celebrated the adorable with shots of Jager and me blowing an airhorn inside the house. I am not going to be able to sit still during that movie. Hmmmm...maybe I should take an airhorn to the movie....

And then there was the season finale of True Blood. How fantastic was that? I seriously got tears in my eyes when I thought they were going to kill Sam. I was on a bit of an emotional overload, but still...it was too much! And then the way he totally rammed his horn into Maryann. Sick. My only complaint is Bill. I cannot freaking stand him. The whole second half of the episode, I was chanting, "Eric come kill him, Eric come kill him, Eric come kill him." And then he proposed? What the hell, yo? I wanna see Bill tortured. By Eric. Naked.

The Redskins did lose, which sucked, and my fantasy football team (Cracker's Crushers, named after my super totally cool parakeet) is in last place. It was not a good weekend for football. Meh...at least McNabb cracked a few ribs.

And speaking of parakeets....I read somewhere that the bird who had the world record for saying the most words was a parakeet. Soooooooo...after eating year old, moonshine soaked peaches on Saturday night, we decided that we needed to teach Crackrock to talk like Rob. How cool would that be? We started a list of phrases and I'm going to send Rob a tape recorder and ask him to repeat the list so that I can play it over and over for Crackers. Think it'll work? If you have any suggestions for Rob phrases my parakeet should learn, send 'em my way. My ultimate goal is that Rob will realize how totally perfect we are for each other and show up at my house one day (since my return address will be on the envelope). My psychic said that I was going to meet the man of my dreams this month, so I need to get on this shit, stat!

I had an annoyingly Non-Twilightly Labor Day weekend. I did purchse New Moon tickets, which was totally squee-worthy, except that I was in a hotel room with my grandmother and aunt and they really didn't appreciate the complete and total glory. I also made the mistake of offering them a chocolate Edward, and my aunt actually said "Who's Edward?" GASP! They didn't deserve Edward. They got a Jacob, but I even felt kinda slimy giving them him. Hate to waste chocolate and hot men-boys.

Then I made another mistake. Started reading smutty fanfic before going to sleep. In the hotel room with said aunt and grandmother. It was almost entirely undbearable, but I couldn't stop reading. Luckily, I had procured a jar of moonshine and was able to knock myself out pretty quickly. Ain't nothin' like a little shine and little Robward porn.

Me Exploding

After I got home on Sunday, I spent the next two days on the couch reading as much fanfic as I could. I stopped briefly to go buy a parakeet (long story...his name is Crackrock McSpongey) and to take my mom to have an endoscopy.

Crackrock McSponey aka Crackers

My Robward flask did ship, though sadly did not arrive in time for me to put moonshine in it and drink myself stupid. Overall, it was kind of a meh weekend. I could have used a pick-me-up, like Rob standing naked on my doorstep or a winning lottery ticket. I guess there's always next week...(which happens to include the MTV Video Music Awards and the season finale of True Blood and the first Redskins game of the season).