Don't Fuck With Rob OR Why Meg and Leighann Shouldn't Be Allowed Out In Public

Sorry for the long title. It's like an episode of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Anyone? Anyone?

Ok. Leighann, Landen and I went to a dinner party last Friday night. It was quite lovely--a very good friend was hosting. I got to Brad and Leighann's and Brad moved my car so someone else could get their car out and loaded all of Landen's stuff up. The three of us go out to get in my car, and I notice, immediately, that Brad has defaced Car Rob. That's some bad juju, right there. I jumped out of the car and took off to beat his ass, but he's a quick little monkey when he wants to be. I know where he sleeps, so he'll eventually get what's coming to him. Anyway, I'm distraught, cause I really liked that picture of Rob. But it's all cool...I'm with my favorite people and we're going to eat. Two very good things.

Before After

So anyway, we were at the corner of Shore Drive and Great Neck Road, making a right onto Great Neck. This jackass behind me tries to jump in front of me WHILE I'M TURNING and almost cuts me off. When he realizes he can't get in front of me, he rides my ass through the turn lane and then jumps next to me and slows down when he gets up to my window. Naturally, I flick him off. Well, that seriously pissed him off. Like, head exploding pissed him off. He slams on his brakes, gets behind us, then flies into the left lane and comes up next to us again. We look over, and the creep is aiming his cell phone at us taking our picture! Then he sped off in front of us.

At this point, we were a little freaked out but it was funny more than anything else. We call Brad, tell him what happened, have a good laugh...all is well. Until we get about 3 miles up the road and are in the left turn lane when, you guessed it, here comes the jackass, in the lane next to us. That freak waited for us to catch up to him! When the light changed, he went forward and then veered into us, missing my car (the side Landen was on!) by about 5 inches. Leighann said the look on my face was priceless. She said that she just had a vision of me slamming this dude's head into the sidewalk while she's on the phone cussing at the police. Needless to say, we called the cops and gave them his license plate number and they said they'd put a call out to watch for him. I hope the bastard ended up in jail. He seemed like the type that would try to punch a cop.

Long story short, we got to the party, immediately pissed half the people there off (topics of conversation included our care of the child during the aforementioned car situation and the "fact" that pitbulls can't be housetrained because they are so crazy). Everyone left. Seriously. So that is why we don't ever go anywhere. Our house, our rules. If you don't like it, get the fuck out.

That was Friday. Saturday is THE BIG DAY. We're going to meet Carlisle Cullen (really Peter Facinelli...I imagine he really doesn't like being referred to by a fictional name). I put on makeup and a necklace (dressin' up to meet the movie star) and find another picture of Rob to try and balance out Brad's serious breech from the previous day. This is what I come up with.

Car Rob #2, AKA Sunglasses Car Rob

I prance my fancy, necklace-wearing ass out to my truck, Car Rob#2 and tape in hand. Go to tape him to the dash and the little bastard slips down into a crack. Gone. I'm too lazy to go all the way back into the house to find a replacement Rob, so I just start driving, worried that my car is now cursed.

Once again, I load Leighann and Landen up into my car (not letting Brad anywhere near it) and head out for the mall. We go in through Sears and right there in the doorway (practically) is the canopy that I promised I would buy Brad for his birthday but hadn't been able to find. And it was on sale for 1/2 price until 1:15. We looked at our phones...it was 1:16. But the wonderful salesman gave it to us for 1/2 price anyway. Things were looking up! Even though Car Rob #2 was hiding in my dash, he was still working his magic.

We practically skip through the mall, sniffing out Peter Facinelli (and stopping briefly for me to squeee over a French Bulldog puppy) and see that we can get right up to the stage. Screw standing in line! We could just bask in his wonderful glory front and center. Who needs a freakin' autograph? Paging Dr. Cullen (and his schmexy arms)

We have pictures and a video that will never be seen by Landen because 1) there's really inappropriate commentary from his mother and godmother and 2) he'll end up in therapy if he ever sees proof that we took him to a mall to meet Carlisle Cullen. Overall, it was a fantasitc couple of hours. And I must say that Leighann and I were absolutely the prettiest, most normal looking people there. I don't know what that says about the kind of crap I'm interested in, but whatever.

Next, we go to Chili's and guess what's playing on the radio? You'll never guess, so I'll just tell you. Homecoming King! Back to Mass-a-chus-etts!!! You have to sing that part really loud. People were staring. But it's Guster. In Chili's. After Peter. Woot woot!

We then head over to Mama and Papa Puckett's to get their mail and pick up some tomatoes and then go back to Casa de Meg for a little R & R and possibly some Twilight. Draw your own conclusions. Leighann suggests that we find another Car Rob, since Car Rob #2 is still in the depths of my dashboard. Mission accomplished, but nothing like Car Rob #1 or Car Rob #2. We get back in the car, and I wonder aloud "Maybe if I stick a piece of tape down there I can rescue him?" Well holy shit, it worked! Out comes Car Rob #2 in all is sexy British glory! He gets taped up front and center, and Car Rob #3 gets put in the console.

Back-Up Rob/Car Rob #3/Console Rob

The rest of the evening went off without a hitch. The canopy was erected fairly easily, Chili's leftovers were fantastic, and the company was superb. Sunday dawned bright and early and after breakfast and mimosas at Cutty Sark, I had a pleasant afternoon with my horses. All in all a fantastic weekend. AFTER order was restored and Rob was back in rightful place.