Ask Me About Unicorns

I think that we've all realized that just about everything we come in contact with during the course of the day reminds us of Twilight. The worst part about it is when it happens when you're with a non-Twitard. Cause then you can't even chuckle out loud. Well, I do, which is why most of my non-Twi friends think I've finally fallen off the deep end. With goggles and a Speedo on.

We made buffalo chicken empandas (fried love/Leighann's Rican Cooking) again the other night and a friend of ours and his new girl showed up halfway into the venture. Now mind you, making empanadas is a dangerous thing to do sober. A vat of hot oil is scary when you're not intoxicated. When you are intoxicated, it's not scary at all, thus the problem. So there was drunkenness, there was hot oil, there was that "it's been a long, shitty week and we're a little punchy at this point" feeling. And some random friends showed up and got immersed in the crazy. I must note at this juncture that I really don't get along with random chicks. I try not to be bitchy, but I can't help it. Even when I think I'm being nice and polite, I sound like a douchebag.

So anyway, this girl comes in, kisses MY baby and tells me that she heard I had been babysitting all day. Ok bitch. Let's break this down. Number One: Keep your skanky lips off my kid. Number Two: I am NOT a babysitter. Don't ever call me that again or I will have to punch you in your vajayjay. Once we got that cleared up, I really, really tried to remain pleasant. I think I did an ok job until she put her "purse" down on the table (I swear to god this long ass story is going to turn Twi-related...stay with me!). It was a fucking metal Wonder Woman lunchbox.

When she went outside to smoke a cigarette, Leighann whispered to me, "Maybe she thinks she's Wonder Woman." I had to open it up to see what she had stored in it (natch). The usual purse stuff (if you are a usual person. She had no chocolate Robwards and scraps of papers with stupid blog ideas on them). But then I giggled. I giggled louder. I bounced in my seat a little. Because that stupid twat's lunchbox reminded me of Bella in Mr. Horrible. She is by far my favorite Bella (don't know what the says about me...I kinda relate to her). Then I got pissed because I didn't want to associate one of my favorite fics with the annoying twat blister who was smoking a Virginia Slim menthol on the back porch. But then I calmed down and decided to go read it again, which was a fantastic idea.

Ok, so that was obscure Twilight reference number one. Number two happened in the grocery store yesterday. I was in the checkout line and the cashier was this old woman who looked like she had maybe endured a few too many head contusions in her lifetime. She had on a nametag, and while I don't remember what her name was, I do remember that under her name it said "Ask me about unicorns." I am really, really regretting not asking her about unicorns because I'm pretty sure it would have been a conversation I would have remembered for the rest of my life.

Also on the agenda for this week is a trip to the art museum with my mom to look at some Egyptian shit. **Have you READ Mr. Horrible?!** I am so hoping to run into Edward. It will be epic.

Saving this one for last, because I know how some of you feel about old KStew. But I really kinda like her and when I saw the pics of her from the press junket on Friday, I texted Leighann and said, "I'm pretty sure I'd go lesbo for KStew." To which she replied, "Freak." Whatever. It's trufax. I don't understand the hate that some people have for her. I mean really, if she's actually boinking Rob, then I say more power to ya, bitch! Hit that shit like it's nobody's business. I know I would. Shamelessly.

Yeah, I'd consider it. Pic from here.

Of course, I wouldn't have to even consider this. Holy hot sex, Batman! Pic from here.

So that's where I'm at right now. Somewhere in between being willing to bump uglies with KStew, unicorns, Wonder Woman, and Rob in a Batman t-shirt. Not a bad place to be.